Joshua’s Memorial

April 16, 2010

Here is the slideshow that my cousin James did for us.  We gave him the photos and the music and he put it all together.  He did a great job.

Kelli put together a pamphlet for the memorial as well:

JoshuaProgram_FrontBack

JoshuaProgram_insidepages

The memorial went very well.  Short, sweet and intimate, just like Joshua’s life.  Tomorrow we are burying him at Vista Verde Memorial Park.  This is going to be hard for my wife and I but we will get through it.  We miss our little guy so much already and can’t imagine going forward at this point.  I know that we will and have to for Matthew’s sake but it just seems weird.  He should be with us and yet he is not.  There has been so many hard parts to this journey we have been on.  It was hard to finally tell the nurse that we were ready for them to withdraw the life support.  It was very very hard watching him pass away.  It was very hard to be there as I saw first hand my wife’s heart breaking into a million pieces.  It was hard to be in the room after he passed away because the room just did not feel the same anymore.  It was hard to leave the hospital without him for the last time.  It was hard going to the cemetery and make arrangements.  It was hard receiving the box of items from the NICU.  We saw the casts of Joshua’s hands and feet and how perfect they represented our baby’s feet and hands, I totally lost it.  Maybe this is because he was holding my finger and I was staring at his hand as he slipped from this world to the next.  It was hard to sit in the church and realize that our son is gone and we will never be able to hold him in this life again.  It is hard to believe that we are going to be burying him tomorrow.

This whole thing is so surreal.  You never think you will be the one to be going through this and yet it happens to families every day multiple times a day.  We were just chosen for this and we are proud and feel blessed to be a part of Joshua’s 16 day life.  People ask us how we are doing all the time.  The answer is that we are ultimately heartbroken.  I don’t know when this feeling will go away or if it really ever will but we know that our baby is in the presence of God with no more pain and no more suffering and that is an amazing feeling.  As I told my wife before, we have a little boy here with us that looks for us everyday in the morning and now we have a little boy that is watching for us in heaven.  I can’t wait to be reunited with him.

Thank you all who were able to attend and those that prayed for us and thought about us on this day.  We have another very tough day ahead of us tomorrow so I will ask for continued prayers.  We actually have many more tough days ahead of us and we will need prayers like you wouldn’t believe.  It seems so weird to be on this side of things.  For the past 7 months, we have been seeing Joshua and hearing all the bad news constantly every time we went to the doctor.  We heard that there was only a slim chance of survival even in the womb.  We were told that if he were born early that he would surely die.  We were told that he would not make it out of the delivery alive.  Then he lived 16 days despite what all the doctors said.  His spirit was evident in the entire NICU.  We didn’t know how large of a presence until he passed away.  Not only the room but the entire NICU seemed to be empty.  The whole place changed once it was done.  I can’t explain it but when he died, this massive presence was lifted off.  A few people noticed a flowery or perfumy smell in the room on Joshua the day before and the day of his death.  The smell was no longer there once he passed.  I don’t know what to make of this but we were told this by three different sources.  Strange.  This is the first time that I have been around someone when they passed.  This is the first time that I have been to a graveside ceremony and burial.  I just still can’t believe that it is my son that we are burying.  I wonder when reality will hit and what it will do to me when it does.  Pray for strength.

This was a tough day but we celebrated a very short life.  He made a big impact on my life that’s for sure.  I wonder how many others were touched by this?  Joshua, we will miss you very much.  We love you with all our hearts!!!

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9 Responses to “Joshua’s Memorial”

  1. Thomas said

    Praying for you guys in the difficult time, but remember God’s comfort and that sometimes things don’t make sense. I’n here if you need anything, even just to talk or gang out.

  2. Jennifer Tenney said

    It sounds like a beautiful day. Joshua made an impact on my life as well, and I have never met any of you. I think the smell of flowers could be indicative of an angel (maybe a family member who has already passed) who came to watch over and then welcome your sweet son? I have always believed in angels and I think it is wonderful that there is a heaven and that we can see our loved ones again. In the meantime, I am sure Joshua has some important work to do from above. Many prayers for peace and comfort.
    Hugs,
    Jennifer
    Mom to Dakota 12-25-2008
    RCDH survivor

  3. Paul Kent said

    Joshua definitely impacted our lives. God does rescue and we praise Him for giving Joshua such loving parents. Your trusting the Lord during this has also impacted our lives. We will continue to lift your family up in prayer in these months to come.

    Blessings,
    Paul and Nicole Kent

  4. Tracy Meats said

    Joshua definitely has impacted my life….what a precious soul and beautiful angel. He amazed me with his strength and fight!! I cried watching the video of pictues. In his short life, he has so many that love him, for you can tell from the pictures how happy each and every one of you were when you were near him. Joshua is beautiful, a perfect child of god. Kelli’s program for the service was beautiful.

    Many continued prayers for you and your family, for strength, comfort and understanding in the months to come. (((HUGS)))

    Tracy

  5. Brandee Glover said

    What a beautiful video your cousin made..I will continue to pray and think of your family a little over a year ago I was exactly in your shoes and know all the prayers help!

    Brandee
    Gwenns mom 2-2-09 to 2-26-09

  6. Alicia & Shelly said

    Your little Joshua proved that he had a strong spirit that will not be stopped even after leaving this life.

    You have a very special angel watching over all over of you who will always be in your hearts & souls. We hope this will help make the burden just a little lighter as you walk through each day.

    Hopefully the day will come soon when you will have more smiles then tears as you think of little Joshua.

    Wishing you comfort & caring.
    Alicia & Shelly – Mom & Grandma to CDH baby angel Jayden.

  7. Maria Campbell said

    I am so sorry on the passing of your son Joshua Levi. It is so comforting knowing that he is with our Lord and savior today. Joshua touched my life deeply thru your writings. I felt as though I was there (in prayers). I will contuniue to pray for you and your family.
    I am remimded of the scripture of the brokenhearted:
    “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18,and
    “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”. Psalms 147:3
    God be with you today and always. You faith has encouraged me. Thank you.

  8. Beth Brown said

    ((Hugs)) and tears.

    e-mail us if you need it.

    He really is beautiful…all the medical procedures change them so much, they look so very different. It is very hard to understand, but the blessing of it all was time. You look beautiful with your family all together. I am glad so many people were able to be blessed by this precious little baby.


    Beth

  9. nicolle said

    I am crying as I read this, brings me back to the times in the NICU, back into your shoes. I’m sorry you too have to go through this, Joshua touched many lives! Sending you prayers for the days weeks, months and years ahead.

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