August 14, 2010

Where do I even begin… First of all I am very sorry for not letting you guys know how we have been doing. We are still here although these past few months have been very difficult for Kelli and I. We have both been suffering from not only grief but also from a form of PTSD I believe. Kelli has been having some major anxiety off and on of which she takes a concoction to help her through the day. I have also been having anxiety issues which is a complete first for me but I think my issues come from many different areas of my life which I am not free to discuss in a setting such as this. All I know is that we are having to relearn how to live life and find joy in the every day stuff. It is so hard though as we are reminded of Joshua at every turn. That is not a bad thing because we want Joshua to be remembered and a big part of our lives but events that took place were so painful and it is so fresh in our minds. We also have recently purchased his headstone and we expect to receive it in a couple weeks. We also have finally received the pictures that Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep took on the day that Joshua passed away. It brought us right back to the NICU and was so painful to see but the pictures were all amazing and we feel blessed to have them. It made us miss him that much more.

I wish that I could give everyone reassurance that we are doing better and that it is getting easier but we rarely have good days where we aren’t sad. We feel very blessed to have Matthew in our lives because I think that he is a big reason why we are able to keep going. We have seen God working through this and we both feel that He is growing us to do something very special for His kingdom. I can’t wait for the day that God reveals His plan for us.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and all that everyone has done for us. We are still going through very rough times and your support is what we still need. Thanks to all those at cherubs for being there an supporting us as well as the many other families that have lost babies or are in the NICU right now. Pray for all the other families that have been through what we have gone through and for the babies now fighting for their lives. Thank you for all the support you have given us.

Here is a slide show of the photos from joshua’s last day on earth.


6 Responses to “Lost”

  1. Mary Campbell said

    I love you Jeff. I know this is so very hard. Just keep looking up to Jesus. Joshua is so loved and will remain to be loved. He will not be forgotten. I miss Joshua too and it is the weirdest things that will bring back a memory and put me right back in the NICU. I have such a difficult time with my grief at times. However, I just remind myself that he is with Jesus and we will be reunited one day. I also see him playing with Jesus and other babies and children who have gone ahead of us. I am reminded that Joshua has already reached home. We are still on our journey to home. He have a ways to go. But we will get there. I love you! And I am praying for you.

  2. Tracy Meats said

    Jeff and Kelli,

    The pictures and slide show of Joshua are beautiful, he is so precious. You can feel the love for Joshua through those pictures, he left his footprint on everyone’s hearts. I can’t imagine how painful this journey must be for you two. Please know we want to hear about Joshua. He is part of who you are today and that will never be forgotten. I continue to pray for your family, that you may be surrounded by comfort and love during your days ahead. Sending you(((HUGS))).

    Tracy, Ian’s mom from CHERUBS

  3. Jennifer Tenney said

    My goodness, you have a gorgeous family. The photos are beautiful. I think of Joshua often-the way he fought so hard against the odds and the way you wrote about the beautiful days you guys had together really made an impact on me. I cannot imagine what you are going through but I pray for peace for you all.
    Mom to Dakota 12-25-2008
    RCDH survivor

  4. Melinda said

    Those are such precious and beautiful pictures! Thank you for sharing those and I am glad to see you write an update. You guys are still in my constant prayers. God is going to use you both for His glory through all of this. Much love always!

  5. nicolle said

    ((hugs)) Things got worse for us before they got better for a lack of better words. I hope that you are communicating to one another and helping each other get through the tough days. Sending you both lots of love.


  6. Angie said

    I love your pictures. I am sorry for your loss. I understand. I lost my Addison Sept 12, shw was stillborn. CDH and Trisomy 18. If there is anything I can do let me know.

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