Our Lives Now

December 14, 2011

I haven’t been on here in such a long while but I have been needing to update everyone.  I apologize that it has been so long.  The holiday season has been very tough on my whole being, partly because I miss my Joshua terrible and partly because that is what grief does.  It rears its ugly head and consumes those it targets.  Sometimes it is unrecognizable and when that happens, it is the hardest.

I do have some very exciting news though!  Kelli is 16.5 weeks pregnant and yesterday we found out we are having a girl!  Her name is Samantha Grace Campbell.  It is exciting and both Kelli and I are amazed that we are having another baby.  We have gone to see the specialist again since Joshua had so many issues and so far Samantha is issue free.  Praise God!  I still can’t help but think about Joshua and how it seems unfair that he had to be so “unique” but I am thankful for only good news this pregnancy.  It is very hard to go back to the specialist though as well.  We love the doctor there and she is amazing but there are so many horrid memories that are haunting me in the background that I come out of the place exhausted with a headache.  Our doctor is very ecstatic to give us good news that she gave us hugs and told us to go celebrate hahaha.  So far, Samantha has no signs of Down Syndrome, heart defects and the diaphragm looks to be intact.  Of course over the next 4 or so months, everything will watched closely but so far so good!  It looks like Matthew will actually have a sibling to play with this time around praise God.  Thank you guys for all your continued prayers and support.  I know a lot of people don’t really understand what we go through on a daily basis but continued prayer is always needed.  I’m just glad most people can’t relate to us, and for those of you who can, I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart and I will continue to pray for all those that do understand.  We continue to struggle through this life but God has been good and has given us the strength to manage through life up until this point.    Without Him, I would be utterly lost.

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7 Responses to “Our Lives Now”

  1. Debbie & Mike Mitchell said

    We are absolutely thrilled that everything seems to be going well. We’re excited to meet Miss Samantha Grace. She’ll be a great addition to your family.

  2. Bonnie said

    I’m so happy for you guys! I *almost* jumped up and down when I saw the news on fbook, except I was at work so I didn’t. It’s so great to get the all-clear from the doctors (I’m due in February), but I’m still struggling to believe them. We’ll have a ‘double-check’ ultrasound next week, and then after that I suppose I’ll just have to have faith that they’re right. I hope that you are able to relax and enjoy this time. As always, prayers for continued peace and a healthy baby Samantha!

    Bonnie V
    Elijah’s Mom

    • joshualevi said

      Thanks Bonnie! I think I will be able to relax when the baby is here! It is a weird predicament we are in having horrible news given to us before, then getting good news with this baby. It is almost unbelievable haha

  3. Mary said

    I am so excited that my newest grandchild is little Samantha Grace! She is beautiful! I so miss my Joshua Levi but I am so blessed to call him my grandson. He was my little peanut and one day we will be together in Heaven. In the mean time, I am blessed with my sweet pea Matthew Thomas Jayden and my little pumpkin Samantha Grace. God is so good to us! Praise be to God!

  4. Hey Jeff, You don’t know me but I was compelled to write because some of your thoughts are so inspiring! My second child,after my CDH child was born, was very scary for me. I was older (yeah, really old! 42) and knew the chances were low but my head and heart are two different things. I did the high level ultrasound, amnios, you name it! Even when everything was fine, I was still scared. Every case is different so no one but God Himself can tell you your child will be ok. I can tell you that Frank, my husband, was just as nervous. He turned that into caring for me- making sure I had music and laughter and all the love he could give me. You never forget you child- even if they no longer reside on earth so don’t even try. Being scared is normal- I worry about the guys who aren’t! Don’t be afraid to cry- that’s healthy too- I took a lot of pictures of my pregnancy…..That’s always great to look back on. And write in a journal or here. You will hold that to be very precious in the future….God bless you, your wife and Samantha Grace. Peace, Heidi Cadwell, a CDH mom.

    • joshualevi said

      Thanks Heidi. It is tough and I think since it has been 1.5 years since Joshua passed away, I should be completely over it or at least not mentioning it. I don’t know what people expect but I know that since I am still grieving, it makes people uncomfortable. I get comments that are obviously from people who don’t understand and that’s ok. I know they want to help. But there is just no helping I don’t think. I am just going to have to go through some of this. Since it is the holidays as well as going back to the specialist, it has trudged up some feelings and it makes life tough. Since I don’t quite hide it, it makes people feel that there is something wrong with me and they either don’t want to be around or, like I said, they want to “fix” me. I have had people get angry with me and slap me verbally over it too. Thank you for your kind words.

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